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Love and Sex Prescription


by Dipika Dandade

Model: Kanika Johar. Photo by Suraj Shetty

QUESTION

My doctor recently told me that I have HPV. I would like to know whether this condition is treatable and whether it will prevent me from having children. Also, can I pass it on to my boyfriend? I heard that if it goes untreated, it could turn into cervical cancer. Help!

ANSWER

First off, it’s important to know that there are multiple strains of Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), which can be either low-risk or high-risk. Low-risk strains can cause genital warts. High-risk strains have been associated with pre-cancerous and cancerous lesions of the cervix.

HPV is spread through skin-to-skin contact of vaginal, penile, anal or oral surfaces. The only way to prevent transmission is to avoid contact altogether or at least with any visible lesions, such as warts. Condoms also may help decrease HPV transmission. However, it has the ability to come and go. It may be contracted, lay dormant, and eventually become active after months, or even years! So it’s hard to say who you got it from.

It’s unclear which type of HPV you have, but it is rare that HPV progresses to cervical cancer. Fertility and future child bearing should not be an issue in the presence of HPV, and vaginal delivery is allowed in the presence of genital warts. However, if the warts are so large that they block the vagina, a cesarean section may be necessary.

It is important that women have annual pap smears starting at the age of 21 or within 3 years after they become sexually active. It’s likely that your doctor used a pap smear to detect the infection. A pap smear is a “smear” of the cells on the cervix meant to help screen for pre-cancerous lesions. The hope is to identify abnormalities before they progress to cancer. Not all pap smears automatically test for HPV, so if a woman’s pap smear appears abnormal, she may be called back a specific cervical swab that tests for the infection. Depending on the abnormality noted on the pap smear, a patient may undergo further diagnostic testing called colposcopy, which is a close-up view of the cervix to identify any changes.

Unfortunately, specific HPV testing for your boyfriend is not available. However, if he has a visible growth such as a wart, he should see his physician.

For further information please refer to the National Institutes of Health.


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QUESTION

I am a 40-year-old lesbian and have a girlfriend who I love dearly. I have been out for over 10 years and my family says they are okay with my sexuality and that they still love me as I am. But my older sister seems to have issues. Over the years, I have emailed information to my family, tried to talk with them about queer issues and have been open to their questions, but whenever I talk about this with my older sister she asks for more time. It hurts that she doesn't accept my girlfriend and me. I don't want to force the issue, but what else can I do to make her come around?

ANSWER

It’s great that, at least some of your family have been very open and accepting. But, without your sister on board, it probably feels like an empty ship. It might be a good idea to sit down and talk to her about why she feels the way she does. Without necessarily pushing the issue, try to rectify any misconceptions she may have about homosexuality or your girlfriend. Ask questions about how she feels, rather than explaining your situation right away. This way your sister can feel in control.

Sisters have unique relationships, so perhaps you can try to attack the issue from an angle other than your homosexuality. If the age difference between you and your sister is relatively small, it’s likely you two were very close as children. It is possible that she’s hurt because she wasn’t “let in” on your secret much earlier? Or, she might be disappointed or angry that she didn’t catch on to your sexual orientation while you were growing up. It’s also possible that she feels your sexual identity has changed your sibling relationship. If your sister is married, she may be facing pressures from her husband and extended family. If she has met your girlfriend, were they compatible personality-wise? Perhaps it is not your lifestyle, per se, that she has issues with--there may be a clash of personalities at play.

On the flip side, it is possible that your sister will not accept your relationship until she is ready. At some point you have to start thinking about you. You need to be happy and constantly trying to win the approval of your sister will bring you down. Be secure in the fact that even though you and your sister don’t have a better relationship, other people you trust and love, your parents and brother, have accepted you for who you are. That’s a highly significant support system to have. In the end, life is too short to spend it trying to win praise or acceptance from everyone around you, and sometimes you just have to resign yourself to the fact that some people are unwilling to change their minds.

Have a question for our Love and Sex expert? Enter it here and your question may be answered in the next issue!


Dipika Dandade, 30, is an obstetrician/gynecologist practicing in the Los Angeles area.

ABCDlady does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.


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