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Love and Sex Prescription


by Dipika Dandade

Model: Kanika Johar. Photo by Suraj Shetty

QUESTION

I’m approaching 30 and am still nowhere near getting married and having children. What is the truth about our biological clock and is it any different for Indian women?

ANSWER

In December, the oldest recorded pregnancy, a 67-year old teacher with twins, was recorded in Russia. Needless to say, women are having children at a later age than many ever dreamed possible. Many women wait until they are financially ready, have finished their education or established their careers to have children. While you need not worry about your Indian biological clock being different from other women's--women’s reproductive organs function the same way, regardless of ethnicity--there are some basic facts and statistics to consider as you get older.

A woman is born with a set amount of eggs. As you age, your eggs age with you. It makes sense then that older eggs may harbor abnormalities. The age of 35 is referred to as “advanced maternal age” or AMA. At this age, the risk of chromosomal abnormalities substantially increases. To put it in perspective, a 30-year-old woman has a one in 885 chance of giving birth to a baby with Down’s syndrome. This risk jumps to one in 365 at the age of 35. Because of these increased risks of chromosomal abnormalities, women who are due to deliver at or above the age of 35 are offered genetics counseling and the option to undergo tests to diagnose genetic abnormalities before the birth. Women can undergo amniocentesis, the removal of a small amount amniotic fluid from around the fetus, at 14 to 16 weeks of the pregnancy. This fluid can then undergo chromosome analysis. Some women choose to have chorionic villi sampling (CVS) even earlier in their pregnancies, at about 9 weeks. This procedure involves the sampling of the developing placenta on which further chromosomal studies are done.

Additionally, as women get older, they have an increased chance of becoming infertile due to irregular ovulation. Drugs such as clomid, an estrogen agonist, or injectable gonadotropin hormones can regulate monthly ovulation and increase the number of ovarian follicles available for fertilization. Another concern is the increasing number of illnesses that occur as we age, such as diabetes and high blood pressure. These could make a normally low-risk pregnancy become high-risk.

There are, however, benefits to having children later in life. Often, parents are more financially stable or may feel they have experienced life without children to the fullest. Some older parents feel more prepared to devote their lives to their children. If you are considering having children after 35, make sure you talk to your doctor and fully understand the risks beforehand.


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QUESTION

I just got married and I’m having trouble adjusting to sleeping in a bed with someone else everyday. I toss and turn and his snoring keeps me up. What can I do to get over this--I need my sleep!


ANSWER

There certainly is a lot to adjust to when you start living with another person. Everything from how the laundry is folded to whether the toilet seat stays up or down can become grounds for a battle.

Sharing a bed can be wonderful--it provides a space for intimacy, both physical and emotional. It is a nice opportunity to catch up on the day’s events and wind down together. Of course, things can turn sour if you have a mate who kicks, thrashes, takes up your side of the bed or snores. Rare is the partner who stays on his side and makes not a peep through the night.

A good first step to solve these problems is to invest in the best, largest mattress that you can afford. A king size bed will give both of you a lot of personal space. Make sure the mattress is relatively firm--this will prevent movement on one side from being felt on the other. A less attractive option is pushing together two twin beds. Any thrashing about by either one of you shouldn’t be felt on the opposite side.

Snoring is a common cause of the sleepless-wife. Short of kicking your husband to the couch, the best solution I’ve come up with is ear plugs. While it might seem impersonal and cold, earplugs are a god-send for light sleepers. Make sure, though, that your partner’s snoring is not due to a medical condition such as obstructive sleep apnea. A medical evaluation can help determine the cause of excessive snoring.

Sometimes, as in many aspects of a marriage, you just need time. Over the next months and years you spend together, small quirks that you find irksome will become tolerable and possibly endearing. There may be a time in the not so distant future that you can’t sleep without hearing your partner’s raucous snoring!

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Dipika Dandade, 30, is an obstetrician/gynecologist practicing in the Los Angeles area.

ABCDlady does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.


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