Love and Sex Prescription

by Dipika Dandade

QUESTION

I am an independent 29-year-old Indian female and have been living on my own for the past 11 years. I am now seriously dating an Indian man, who is also 29. Although we have been together for eight months, he has not told his overprotective parents about me, even though he lives with them. He says he will tell them about our relationship when he moves out, but does not know when that will happen. How should I deal with this?

ANSWER

Though it has become more common for young adults in their late 20s and early 30s to move in with their parents, there has to be a change in the parent-child dynamic. Eventually, parents have to realize they are dealing with a grown up who cannot be held to the same rules and regulations as a child.

Eight months is a long time to be involved with someone without meeting his parents! This man has to make a bold move -- he has to stand up to his parents. Because we often underestimate our parents, he might be pleasantly surprised by their response. Parents want their children to be happy and perhaps your boyfriend's parents will see how happy you have made him. However, he must own up to his feelings, face his parents and tell them about you. Otherwise, he is living his life for his parents, not for himself. And certainly not for you.

QUESTION

Since taking the birth control pill, my libido has dropped considerably. Although my boyfriend and I used to have sex at least once a day, now a week or two can pass without sex. Could a side effect from the pill be the cause of my decreased sex drive?

ANSWER

Approximately 5-10% of birth control pill users complain of decreased libido. Combined oral contraceptive pills (OCPs) are made up of two hormones: estrogen

and progestin (a synthetic progesterone). It is thought that the progestin component can contribute to lowered libido. Because OCPs are made of different types of estrogens and progestins in varying doses, one option may be to change your birth control pill to one with a different progestin formulation or a lower dose. A second option is to change your method to the birth control patch. Component hormones in the patch having less of a direct effect on the libido than the pill's. Some physicians might even provide exogenous testosterone -- in the form of a cream, drops, or patch -- to revive a flagging sex life. But be sure to use testosterone with care. Using too much can lead to a number of unwanted side effects including excess facial hair, deepening of your voice and male pattern balding.

Keep in mind that OCPs have a number of beneficial effects beyond their contraceptive use. They have been shown to decrease the incidence of ovarian cysts, endometrial cancer, ovarian cancer and iron deficiency anemia. If you’ve had it with your OCPs, though, there are other options. In addition to condoms, choices include the patch, the Nuvaring, the IUD, and the Depo Provera shot. Check with your physician to see if any of these fit your lifestyle.