Health and Wellness

By Amisha Parekh

Struggle with my Body Image

The prevalence of eating disorders is increasing among South Asian women -- Shilpa Patel speaks out about her struggles with being overweight in the hopes that others will learn to love their bodies and themselves.

“At my absolute worst, I weighed 110 pounds which doesn’t sound too bad until I mention that I’m 5’8. I was admitted into the hospital because I had fainted and I knew this was it...things had to change from here,” says Shilpa Patel, a recent graduate of Pennsylvania State University. “My struggle with my body image started when I was very young. Although my family didn’t deliberately try and hurt my feelings about my weight, they weren’t very subtle about holding back their comments.”

Patel entered college with high hopes of being independent, meeting new people and starting her journey toward medical school. She was a top student in her Trenton, New Jersey high school and was confident that college would be the best years of her life. This was her opportunity to find herself and mold her character.

During her winter break, Patel arrived home confident, secure and 40 pounds lighter. She was put on her first diet at the age of five and has been struggling with her weight since then. Compared to the obese freshman she once was, her evolution into a slender woman was astonishing. Her family greeted her with admiration and applause--and Patel was delighted. Her proud mother told her how beautiful she looked and her father praised her ability to change. All of Patel’s family and friends were amazed at her transformation, so the young woman saw her weight loss as an astounding achievement.

This success, however, came at a price. Patel's body was deteriorating rapidly from a lack of valuable nourishment and sustenance.

Growing up, Patel was always teased about her weight. She felt like she was the opposite of the prototypical South Asian female: Instead of being petite and thin, she was tall and heavy, a fact that was difficult for her to deal with.

“I was horrified going to Garbas during Navaratri…there was no way I was going to expose any part of my body to anyone. My mom would force me to wrap sweaters around my waist or wear baggy shirts to hide the extra weight,” recalls Patel. “It was not until I went to college that I started taking action about my weight… although now I know it was the wrong action to take.”

"It started slowly. First I cut down eating to once a day and drinking coffee whenever I felt tired or hungry. Then I started working out intensely, running ten to twelve miles a day. The weight started to drop rapidly, so I cut down even more and started eating an item, like an apple, each day."

In college, Patel had the freedom to live independently and create her own schedule. Balancing a heavy pre-med course load, dealing with the pressure to make new friends and comparing herself to other women caused Patel’s self-esteem to plummet. Although this was her opportunity to go out and have fun, she was trapped by her own doubts about the way she looked. Every time she looked in the mirror, Patel only saw a grotesque body staring back at her.

“It started slowly. First I cut down eating to once a day and drinking coffee whenever I felt tired or hungry. Then I started working out intensely, running ten to twelve miles a day. The weight started to drop rapidly, so I cut down even more and started eating an item, like an apple, each day,” says Patel. To keep up with her grueling all-night study sessions and exercise binges, Shilpa drank more than 10 cups of coffee a day.

One day, near the end of her sophomore year, Patel was out shopping with friends when she suddenly collapsed. In the emergency room, the doctors discovered that Shilpa had not eaten in three days and was severely dehydrated. She had lost 60 pounds in nine months and her body was refusing to absorb food. It took several days of vomiting and psychological counseling before Patel began to eat again. She was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, anorexia nervosa is a, “refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height. In addition a person feels fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight.” Patel was, at her lowest weight, 110 pounds, approximately 45 pounds underweight for her height, age and body type. Her friends say that she had dropped form size 14 to 6 in just one year.

Patel underwent psychological treatment with a counselor. She stayed in the hospital until she was eating on her own.

Over two years after her visit to the emergency room, Patel is still undergoing counseling and monitoring. Yet, she feels more confident and self-assured than she ever has before: “I realize the measures I took with my eating were compensating for insecurities I felt emotionally; it wasn’t necessarily just about my weight," says Patel.

The problem Patel faces is not unique; many South Asian-American women face the same dilemma. According to something-fishy.org, a website dedicated to eating disorders, upper to middle-class Caucasian women used to be most susceptible to eating disorders. Eating disorders are not as prevalent among minorities due to underreporting or cultural norms. However, many researchers have found that the number of eating disorder cases has risen among Asian, Black, Hispanic and Native American women.

As South Asian women are integrated into Western society, there is an added pressure to conform to the media’s image of beauty. Leigh Garfield, Co-president of the Eating Disorders Association of New Jersey (EDANJ) says, “As a culture adapts to Western ideals, the prevalence of eating disorders increases. An example is in the Philippines, where the rate of eating disorders increased when American television shows were introduced.” Not only do South Asian women have American actresses and models presenting a certain ideal of beauty, but Bollywood actresses have become ideals as well. Unlike older Bollywood actresses from the 60s and 70s--when it was acceptable to have a little extra “tummy”--modern actresses such as Aishwariya Rai and Sonali Bendre show more skin and have extra-small waists. Many South Asian women find it hard to compete with these unrealistic standards.

Patel always felt pressure from her family as a young girl, but that pressure increased when she entered college. EDANJ says that, “body image is a complex notion involving mental, emotional and physical perceptions of one’s self and appearance." It is how a person pictures herself in her mind, even though that image may be different in the mirror. Garfield says, “South Asian women may develop negative body images, including feeling ashamed, self-conscious or uncomfortable. The Western media plays a role when women try to identify with this culture.” Many negative body images are also formed by early life experiences and the attitudes of others.

Patel's parents' attitude toward her body played a large role in the creation of her body image. Although unintentional, they constantly pointed out how Indian women should look. Patel recalls how her father always mentioned that all the girls he grew up with were slender and ate discreetly. Her mother explained how other Indian girls her age were thin and proper. These comments distorted her body image and helped sparked her disorder. Patel’s father says that for a long time, he was unaware he was part of the problem: “I am very close to my daughter and never thought any of the comments I was making would have such a serious impact. I know now that they did play a role. Her mother and I attend counseling sessions with Shipa now and we are very proud of her."

It is difficult for South Asian American women to live up to the expectations placed upon them by culture and society. Eating disorders are a problem not widely recognized, but can lead to serious physical and mental health issues. There are varying degrees of disorders that may be difficult to recognize. For Shilpa Patel, therapy and counseling helps manage this problem. She now weighs 155 lbs., and while she watches what she eats, she no longer obsesses over food. Although it is still difficult for her to look directly into a mirror without bracing herself, she has learned that the way she looks does not determine her worth as a person.

In July of 2004, Shilpa Patel was accepted into a medical school in California. She hopes that this will be her opportunity to put her struggles in college behind her and start anew. Her parents are happy with Patel's recovery and have learned important lessons from the experience. With the full support of her parents and a new sense of self, Patel wants to specialize in mental health and wellness. She hopes her story will influence other women and teach them to love themselves as they are. To her, the accomplishments she possesses as a person are worth more than all the sacrifices she made to trying to reach a superficial ideal of beauty.

Amisha Parekh, 25, is currently finishing her Masters in Public Health at George Washington University in Washington, DC. She will be traveling to India for 9 months to work on building public health programs in rural communities.

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