QUESTION
I’m in a serious relationship of 4 years.
We talk about marriage; we talk about our future together. This
seems like my last stop. But I can’t get this other guy out
of my mind! How do you know if you’re with the right person?
Is it normal to have these types of doubts?
ANSWER
Saying that “you know when it’s right”
might seem way too simple. . . but it is true. Clearly the man you
are with has values that mesh with yours. Otherwise, you would not
be planning marriage and a future with him.
But it is important to ask yourself, what exactly
is your relationship with this “other guy”? If he’s
someone you’ve had a crush on from afar, well, you need to
resign yourself to the fact that it is just a crush. Often times,
the lofty characteristics that you may attribute to a crush fail
to ring true in reality.
If, however, you have bona fide feelings for this
other guy, you owe it to yourself and your current partner to resolve
your feelings. That might mean being honest with your partner and
taking a break from each other. The time apart will hopefully clarify
things for you. No promises, though, that your boyfriend will be
waiting for you with arms wide open.
On the other hand, if this is a guy from your
past, my take on things is a little different. It is normal to have
thoughts of past relationships, particularly meaningful ones. People
from our past are, of course, going to have significant influences
on us. But there is a reason you two are no longer together. Remember
the good times -- but don’t forget the bad times.
It is reassuring to know that there is more than
one person out there for every one of us. You just can’t take
them all home with you!
|
