Parenting

By Rennu Dhillon

I like who I am- Proud to be South Asian

Identity issues can become real problems for South Asians growing up in the United States, particularly in the post-9/11 era. However, we as parents can raise well-adjusted South Asian-Americans by starting early. There are important principles to teach our children from the moment they begin communicating with us. By implementing these lessons into their daily lives, our children will weather the tumultuousness of childhood and adolescence, emerging as confident adults.

The most important lesson to teach our children is to be assertive. They should be able to stand up for themselves, when confronted by racist or otherwise negative attitudes. For example, teach your children to say, “I am hurt by what you just said,” or “Please stop saying that; you are hurting my feelings,” if someone has made derogatory comments about them and their feelings are hurt. Although this statement might not work in response to a teenage bully, young children will be affected.

In addition to teaching assertiveness, we must build our children’s self-esteem and confidence about their identities. We must not wait for people to make racist comments to our children! Instead, encourage them to read books about our culture, as well as other cultures and people. Talk to your children about how people look different because they come from different countries but are all a part of the human race. Make sure they are familiar with the South Asian heritage and are proud of it. Teach them about our religions and give them examples of successful South Asian figures to emulate. If our children understand their culture, they will appreciate their roots and where they have come from. If someone asks your children, “Where are you from?” teach them to say, “I am American; my family is from India.”

Help your children develop posture. Posture is an important part of confidence and self-esteem. Posture means standing with the back straight, shoulders poised, head held high, proud of who you are. If your children develop good posture, it will project an image that school bullies will not pick on.

Do not be afraid to take action immediately. If your children are faced with racism, actively look for ways to improve their environment. Staying silent or avoiding the topic will not help the situation. Go to school and confront the problem. Find other parents who might be experiencing the same problems and gather their support. Racism in schools is not healthy; administrators realize this and should be willing to help. Worst case scenario, move your children to a new school with a healthier, more positive environment. However, do not do so until you have exhausted every avenue of support in the current school. We do not want to teach our children to run away from their problems, only to protect themselves.

Most importantly, be conscious of what you say in the presence of your children. Children develop racial attitudes similar to those held by their parents. Children learn racially tolerant behaviors by observing their parents' positive interactions with people of color and, conversely, learn intolerant behaviors when they hear their parents making negative statements about people of color or see their parents avoiding contact with people of color. Model good behavior for your children and you will have played an important part in raising children who like who they are and are proud to be South Asian.

Rennu Dhillon DSc. is the founder of Genius Kids, an Interactive Multimedia Learning Center in Fremont, CA.

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