QUESTION
I'm a teenage ABCD woman in college and am in
my first young love relationship. I am worried about being how this
is perceived in the community as my family is quite strict and will
most definitely enforce arranged marriage. I've heard that if one
has anal/oral sex it’s not technically considered as losing
their virginity. How accurate is this statement or is it just idle
gossip among the Desi community?
ANSWER
Ahhhh … and what is virginity, really? No,
really. A virgin refers to a person who has not had sexual intercourse.
The definition of sexual intercourse is where the line blurs. Let
me give you a smattering of definitions one can find on the internet
for sexual intercourse:
1) Coitus between humans.
2) The sexual joining of two people.
3) Penetration of a man's penis into a woman's vagina.
4) Sexual union between humans involving genital contact other than
vaginal penetration by a penis.
5) An intrusion, however slight, into a person’s genital or
anal openings by any object or part of another person’s body
or oral-genital contact. The emission of semen is not required.
So, according to these definitions, intercourse can be anything
from garden variety vaginal-penile penetration to anal penetration
to oral sex.
Take for example sexually active gay or lesbian couples. It’s
not realistic to say that they are virgins because they don’t
meet the strict definition of sexual intercourse – i.e. they
do not engage in penile-vaginal intercourse. To them, oral sex and
anal sex are “love-making”. In my book, if you are engaging
in any sort of genital contact with another person, then “technically”
you are not a virgin.
One thing about anal intercourse – it can have potentially
devastating long term consequences. Repetitive damage to the anal
sphincter can eventually lead to incontinence. That means that you
could potentially lose the ability to hold your gas or stool. Overall,
not worth the risks just in hopes of preserving your virginity.
And, don’t forget that anal and oral sex
are not low-risk behaviors. By engaging in these activities, you
put yourself at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases
(STDs). Be as safe as possible by using condoms and avoiding contact
with skin lesions. However, keep in mind that viruses such as Human
Papilloma Virus (HPV, which can cause genital warts) or herpes can
be spread even in the absence of symptoms or visible lesions. Essentially,
boring as it may be, the safest sex is no sex.
QUESTION
My husband and I plan on getting pregnant soon. Is there anything in particular I should be doing? Any foods or medication I should be staying away from?
ANSWER
It’s great to hear that you are planning
to get pregnant. It’s that much better that you’re seeking
advice on the do's and don’ts of pregnancy. At least 50% of
pregnancies in the US are unplanned. Though the majority turn out
just fine, there are a small number that would have benefited from
preconceptional counseling. This gives the patient the opportunity
to meet with her doctor and go over any medical problems or other
issues that need to be addressed before and during pregnancy. For
example, certain medications may need to be discontinued because
they place the fetus at risk during the critical time of organ development
(2 to 8 weeks of pregnancy).
For healthy young women, it is important to start a daily multivitamin
with 400 mcg of folic acid at least two months before you attempt
to conceive. Folic acid has been shown to reduce the number of neural
tube defects (spina bifida).
If there is a family history of genetic disease in yourself or
your family (such as cystic fibrosis or Tay-Sachs disease), it may
be a good idea to discuss this with your physician or obtain a referral
to a genetics counselor. You should be aware of the chances for
you to pass on a genetic disease to your offspring.
We know that certain infections during pregnancy
can be potentially damaging to the developing fetus. Have your blood
drawn to check for HIV, syphilis, hepatitis B, rubella, and varicella.
If you are not immune, you can obtain immunizations for hepatitis
B, rubella, and varicella. Keep in mind that the hepatitis B vaccine
course takes 6 months to administer and for vaccines such as rubella
you will be told to avoid pregnancy for 3 months.
If you own a cat, you will be instructed to avoid changing out
the kitty litter. There is a chance you could contract toxoplasmosis,
which is known to cause fetal deformities (a teratogen). Frequent
hand washing is one way to prevent cytomegalovirus and parvovirus
B19, two viruses that are ubiquitous among the younger population
and also known to be teratogens.
Next, try to keep your environment safe. If you work with hazardous
chemicals at work or in the home … stop. We do know that mercury
can be a damaging toxin to the nervous system. Significant levels
of mercury have been found in fish including tuna, shark, mackerel,
and skate. Try to avoid these fish, as well as raw fish. Some studies
suggest that small amounts of other fish, such as salmon, may be
alright in limited 3 ounce weekly portions. Also, avoid deli meats,
which have been known to harbor Listeria. Soft cheeses or unpasteurized
cheese are a no-no as well. Do not over supplement with vitamin
A (limit is 3000 IU daily) and vitamin D (limit is 400 IU daily).
There are always questions about caffeine. The biggest concern
with caffeine is that it can cause arrythmias, or heart irregularities,
in the fetus. Your best bet is to limit yourself to one cup of coffee
or soft drink a day, if that. As for alcohol, take it off your menu.
We just don’t know what amount may be safe, so it’s
best to stay away from it.
If you are on medications, make your doctor aware of them. Certain
blood thinners, seizure medications, and blood pressure medications
are among the list of teratogens. If you do have a medical problem,
your doctor will be sure to optimize your health before your pregnancy.
For example, it is important that diabetics have their blood sugars
under good control prior to pregnancy. High blood sugar in the first
couple of months of pregnancy can lead to a number of deformities.
Continue exercise at a moderate pace. Try to avoid extremes of weight.
Stay out of hot tubs.
It’s a lot to keep in mind and requires some lifestyle change.
But, it’ll all be worth it when you’re holding your
new baby in your arms. Good luck!
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