QUESTION
I’m in a long distance relationship, but
it’s not that serious at the moment. We talk everyday on the
phone, but recently he has been making a lot of excuses not to call,
saying he lost his cell phone or he has a lot of work to do. Do
you think he’s interested in someone else? Should I wait for
him to call and let me know what’s going on, or take the initiative
and confront him?
ANSWER
Relationships can be already be difficult, and
adding hundreds of miles between two people can really put a strain
on things. It’s unclear to me whether your interaction has
been limited to talks on the phone or if you have had a physical
relationship as well. If you haven’t been intimate in any
way, then let’s be honest, it’s more of a long distance
friendship than a relationship. And if that’s the case, then
there’s not much to confront him about, except that he’s
not making himself available as a friend.
If you have been intimate, and you feel like he’s
making excuses, it could be that he has lost interest. At the end
of the day, if a guy likes you, he’ll find a way to call.
If you two haven’t seen each other at all, or have had limited
interaction, it’s going to be hard to get this guy to stick
around. Let’s face it: One of the nicest things about a relationship
is having a warm body next to you. You need time together so that
he can literally put a face to a name. But if you’re that
interested in this guy and want to hold on to him, then find a way
to get together. Create some memories with him so that it’s
not so easy for him to push you aside. And on the flip side, you
may find that after spending one-on-one time with him, he isn’t
as attractive as he is over the phone.
Since this relationship is not that serious, it’s
likely that you don’t have much invested in it anyway. So
call it quits if need be and get on with your life. Don’t
beat around the bush or wait for him to address the issue. Make
the first move and ask him what’s up. If you two do end up
together, remember that there is no stronger foundation for your
relationship than honesty and open communication.
QUESTION
My boyfriend and I perform oral sex frequently
and were wondering what a dental dam is, and if we should be using
one?
ANSWER
A dental dam is a small square piece of latex that
is placed across the vaginal area (or anal area) to prevent the
transmission of bodily fluids as well as sexually transmitted diseases,
such as HIV, herpes, and warts. It is meant to be used during both
oral-vaginal and oral-anal sex, and can even be substituted with
a piece of saran wrap or a cut open condom. To maintain comfort
and allow for better sensation, you can apply a water-based lubricant,
such as KY Jelly, on the side that is placed against the vagina.
Keep in mind that like a condom, improper use
of the dental dam defeats its purpose. Remember:
- Do not use the same dental dam more than once.
- Do not use the same dental dam for vaginal and anal oral sex.
- Do not flip the dental dam from one side to the other.
- Be sure to avoid latex products if you are allergic.
Again, very much like a condom, the upside of the dental dam is
that it helps to protects against transmission of infections. But
keep in mind that it can tear, and therefore may not be 100% effective.
The downside of using a dental dam is that it may decrease sensation
and enjoyment of oral sex for some people.
Whether or not one should be using a dental dam really depends
on the individual. If you are in a monogamous, trusting relationship
and you do not deem it necessary to use a condom with vaginal intercourse,
then similarly, you probably do not need a dental dam with oral
sex. Use your judgment. My advice is to be sure to take care of
yourself foremost and practice safe sex.
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