QUESTION
My parents are big on the idea of arranged marriage.
So, when I do go on an "arranged date," what kind of conversations
can I carry on with a potential mate? Is it ok to talk about sex
and my past relationships if he asks, or should I hold off until
we know each other better? What are safe topics to discuss on a
first arranged date? Please help!
ANSWER
It’s best to keep initial conversations light.
Stick to topics you might bring up with anyone, such as acquaintances
at a cocktail party. You could touch on where you grew up, where
you went to college, what you do for a living—the basics.
You might also want to talk about what you do in your free time,
so you can see if your outside interests are compatible. Talking
about family is good neutral ground (just leave the crazy auntie
out of the picture). If your date is South Asian, perhaps, you can
talk about where your family is from and your travels in the Subcontinent.
To stay on the safe side, avoid discussing sex
or past relationships right away. These topics may lead you into
trouble early on. If he tries to broach these subjects, do your
best to avoid going into too much detail without sounding too much
like a prude.
Finally, keep an open mind going into the first
date! Not everyone makes a good first impression, but one could
potentially knock your socks off in the second round.
QUESTION
I really like this guy who is never around. He
is either traveling for work or busy studying, and focusing mainly
on just career and education. I am not sure if he is interested
in marriage, but I would like to know how I can approach him or
if I should not waste my time, as he would rather be with his books
and his laptop instead of me... Is it worth it to wait for a guy
to come around if you really like him?
ANSWER
Are you sure you like this guy even though he’s
never around? Let me rephrase that. Do you even know this guy if
he’s never around? If he is so caught up in work and his studies,
I can’t imagine that you’ve had much one-on-one time
to even get to know him. Perhaps, it’s the “idea”
of him that attracts you, or his looks, or even his body. Or, maybe
you see him as a challenge. Do you picture yourself battling against
his books and briefcase to win over his heart?
Of course you can’t be sure if he’s
even interested in marriage! I’m beginning to wonder if you’ve
ever actually had a conversation with this man-on-the-run. And,
forget about marriage—what about figuring out if he wants
a friend or a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend for that matter. First
suggestion: get to know the guy and try to interact with him on
a social level. Initially that may mean getting him out in a group.
Sometimes it is safer to make your first impression in a non-threatening,
no pressure environment. Work your way into his life slowly, especially
if you want to make the relationship last. Think about friendship
first instead of making the huge leap to marriage from the get go.
Is a great guy worth waiting around for? You bet—under
certain conditions. Let’s say you’ve been drooling over
this guy for years and have yet to walk within 10 yards of him.
Well, then, I’d say it’s time to move on to someone
who is a little more approachable. But, if this looks like it’s
really headed somewhere, then enjoy the ride. Once you’ve
spent more time with him and find that you like him (the REAL him),
then it’s time to broach the serious subject of a long term
relationship or marriage. You’ll know when it’s right.
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