How you Feel
is Important...But it’s Not Always the Truth
In working with clients over the past month, I’ve
noticed a curious pattern that has been causing them personal grief.
The pattern? Believing that their feelings are the Truth (with a capital
T). Now, Truth (with a capital T) generally refers to objective Truth—something that most people would agree on, if asked. Examples would
be gravity’s existence, the fact that the sun rises and sets,
what date and year it is, etc. These kind of Truths are those that
are generally accepted (at least until science replaces them with
a new version of Truth, but that’s for another article).
What does this have to do with your feelings?
Well, it’s good you asked. One idea I like to share with my
clients is this: “How you feel is important, but it’s
not always the Truth.” And this is an important distinction,
because we often notice how we feel, and believe this to be the only
truth in a situation.
One of my clients, Bhavna*, came to coaching because
she wanted to start her own business. She started, as many people
do, with a lot of energy and enthusiasm, which dwindled noticeably
over time. When I asked her about this, she mentioned that she just
didn’t “feel” that we were on the right track. Now,
objectively, we had discussed a business model,
she had written a business plan, and she had secured funding for her |
Photo by Rodrigo Torres |
|
| idea. She had given thought to marketing
avenues, and was poised to take the next step when, all of sudden, her
progress came screeching to a halt. As we explored this further, Bhavna
explained that her feelings were telling her that she wasn’t on
the right track. She wasn’t able to explain this more clearly,
but bristled noticeably when I suggested that maybe her feelings were
just an indicator of feeling afraid and that her fear was trying to
hold her back. (Note: When clients bristle, it usually means we’re
on to something important). Anyway, while Bhavna bristled, she kept
insisting that her feelings were the Truth.
I asked her to explain to me, then, the number of
“coincidences” and “synchronicities” that
had occurred since she began pursuing her idea. She was able to point
out at least ten, ranging from finding beautiful office space at a
discount, to making some key professional contacts, to obtaining a
tax refund which would act as seed money. When I asked her to try
and view these events dispassionately (i.e. without weighing her feelings
too heavily) she was able to recognize that, indeed, if she had to
admit it, all the signs were go.
I then asked her to consider her situation as if she was on the outside
looking in. If her friend was in the exact same situation, what would
she advise her friend to do? Bhavna quickly spoke up, “I’d
tell her everything seemed to be in place and she should just get
on with it.” And, in listening to herself say this, Bhavna began
to consider that her feelings were important, but maybe they weren’t
the Truth.
Now, in your life, the same situation might be true.
You might be moving steadily towards a goal when, all of a sudden,
your feelings of fear or doubt overwhelm you. You suddenly “lose
interest” or want to shift quickly to something else. This is
a hint to take a deeper look and to weigh out the balance between
how you feel and what is being reflected back to you in the outer
world. When there is a gap between these two views, it’s time
to delve a bit more into the discrepancy—not just shift gears
because you feel you should.
Feelings of fear show up in all kinds of ways, at all kinds of times.
Sometimes, we mistake our fear for the voice of our intuition. The
trick is to learn how to distinguish feelings of fear from a true
intuitive voice. Your true intuitive voice will be quiet, clear, and
you’ll find that your intuition and your feelings point in the
same direction and are moving you to the same place. When your fear
voice is speaking, you will notice that it focuses on the negative,
moves from topic to topic, and immediately shuts down any plan for
action. Your feelings, in this case, might be going opposite to the
outcome you truly desire.
In the first case, your feelings are important and true. In the second
case, your feelings are important, but probably not true. In neither
case are they the Truth. In order to accomplish big goals in this
world, we each have to learn how to separate truth from Truth and
how to separate feeling from fact.
Facts are generally agreed upon phenomenon that can be observed by
more people than just you. Facts often lead to Truth. Feelings are
generally specific to you, and may or may not be observed by others.
Feelings often lead to truth, which is a personal, subjective view
of the world, and can change.
Remember, your feelings aren’t facts, and your personal truth
isn’t the Truth. If you ever find a gap between what the outside
world is showing you, and what your inner world is feeling, take steps
to understand the source of the discrepancy. By doing this, you will
be more certain of what is fact and what is feeling; you will be able
to make informed decisions about whether truth or Truth will move
you to your desired goals.
*Name changed to protect the fearful.
Dr. Rachna D. Jain is a licensed psychologist and professional coach who is regularly quoted in the national media. Based in the Washington, DC metro area, Rachna can be reached online at http://www.rachnajain.com.
Back to Top
|
