Getting What
You Want in 2006
As we ring in the new year, it might come as no surprise
that this article will be about goal setting. After all, a new year
is the time to dream big and accomplish those dreams. Goal setting
is often easy to do, but goal achievement takes a bit more skill.
Luckily, there is a handy, three step process you can use right now
to help you get more of what you want in 2006.
As South Asians, many of us attained high levels
of success because we set high goals. By setting the bar high, we
are accustomed to sacrificing now to get what we want later. This
approach works well for us through college or even graduate school,
but it doesn’t remain as effective after we graduate. The pathways
to what we want become less clear, and what we want becomes more elusive.
For example, my client Shanti was able to plan precisely how and where
she’d get her first job. However, she found it more difficult
to plan when she’d get married and have her first child. Nonetheless,
she still tried.
You may know the saying, “Life is what happens
when you’re busy making other plans.” You know that not
everything in life can be planned. Who can say when you’ll fall
in love? How can you time your biological clock to get pregnant precisely
on schedule? Questions like these kept Shanti pondering her goals
and trying to determine what she really wanted, in comparison
to what she thought she should want.
|
Photo by Natalia Kawoloski |
While talking with Shanti
recently, I was reminded that steps are necessary for attaining any
desired goal. The first step, of course, is to figure out what you
want. Some goals are going to be easy to identify. You’ll want
to start there. Such a goal could be finding a job with a new company.
You will also want to dig a bit deeper to find out if you have any
goals which are still forming or are more elusive, such as starting
your own business. Often, these can be the most interesting and exciting
ones to pursue. Make a list of all the goals you’d like to achieve
in 2006. It doesn’t matter how big or small the goal is. If
you want it, write it down.
The second step is to identify why you want to achieve these goals.
What feelings will these goals give you? How will your life improve
because you attained them? This is a really important step. If you
can’t state why you want something, you’re less likely
to take the steps necessary to attain it. This question is also a
useful way of determining whether any of your goals are outdated and
need to be scrapped. There is little worse than actively pursuing
a goal only to realize you didn’t really want it in the first
place.
For instance, one of Shanti’s goals was to write a book. She
had put this on her “to do” list year after year. Yet
it just wasn’t getting done. When I asked her to think about
why she wanted to write a book, she realized that she wanted the recognition
of being an author, but she didn’t really like to write. She
just couldn’t see herself ever sitting down and churning out
60,000 words on any topic. Once we identified that she wanted greater
recognition, she was able to create other ways to get this, and her
goal of writing a book was correctly scrapped. Ask yourself if there
is an alternate way to meet the goals you have been carrying around
for years.
Once you’ve completed steps one and two, you’re ready
for step three: jot down one immediate action you can take toward
the goal. While it’s okay to list other subsequent actions,
focus on the one, small, baby step to move you closer. I recommend
that you start with a small five or ten minute action to get you started.
Then do another, and another, and so on. These small five to ten minute
actions are useful because they keep you from feeling overwhelmed,
and they help build momentum. Remember, it’s always easier to
keep moving once you’ve started. For many people, getting started
is the hardest part. By writing down an immediate action, you can
jump this hurdle.
Shanti’s current goal is to find a long-term relationship.
She hasn’t dated anyone in several years and feels out of practice
and insecure. When asked to come up with a list of actions to help
her reach her goal of a serious relationship by 2007, she spouted
off about 50 actions she could take. What I noticed, though, was that
as her list got longer and longer, her voice became fainter and fainter.
She had begun to feel overwhelmed by the possibilities and didn’t
even know where to begin.
I asked her to scan down her list of possible actions and to find
one that seemed like it would be both fun and easy to do. She quickly
settled on “going to the happy hour sponsored by my gym.”
Since Shanti loves to exercise and she feels comfortable in that environment,
this was a manageable step. Plus she was free that day, and it would
be easy to RSVP the next time she was at the club. We settled on that
event as her first action towards her goal. As a result, she was noticeably
calmer and felt great about this choice.
Remember, goal achievement is supposed to be fun. If you’re
not having fun, you’re not doing it right. As South Asian women,
we often push ourselves to reach goals, but don’t celebrate
our accomplishments. We also believe, in general, that suffering for
a goal makes it more meaningful or important. Too much pressure to
attain goals can also be harmful. We can get stuck in a never-ending
cycle of pushing ourselves harder without any sense of reward or achievement.
Where is the fun in that? Like Shanti, we might believe that we have
to take hundreds of actions, even when they don’t feel right,
to get what we really want.
This isn’t true. Goals are best met when you are clear about
what you want and why you want it. Don’t forget to have fun
along the way. Goal achievement, then, will become a part of life,
and will no longer be something we do before we start living our lives.
As you look forward to 2006, I invite you to find clarity about what
you want, understand why you want it, and find an easy, small, enjoyable
action you can take today that brings you one step closer to your
goal. Once you’ve taken that one step, repeat. You can use this
technique for multiple goals at once or just the goal which is closest
to your heart. Whatever type of goal you pick, just remember, your
dreams and desires always show you what you can attain. You can have
whatever you want. With this belief firmly in place, go out and get
more of what you want in 2006.
Dr. Rachna D. Jain is a licensed psychologist and professional coach
who is regularly quoted in the national media. Based in the Washington
DC metro area, Rachna can be reached online at http://www.rachnajain.com.
Back to Top
|
