Parenting

By Ranu Boppana, MD

Parenting Bicultural Children

We all want our children to be comfortable with their Indian selves, and at the same be able to move easily through American society. What can we as parents do to promote a healthy bicultural identity in our kids? As South Asian-Americans who have gone through the process ourselves, are we better situated to help our children with this task or do we bring our own baggage to the role? What if our children express no interest in their South Asian identities whatsoever? In this article we will explore different strategies for parenting a bicultural child.

What is bicultural identity and why is it important?
Behaviorists see bicultural identity as a sense of self that is composed of the values of two different cultures. According to early behaviorists, bicultural identity is formed during the process of acculturation, in which cultures are blended. This is a fairly linear process that eventually results in subsequent generations losing their culture of origin. In a South Asian family, for example, the South Asian influence will dwindle until children are fully “American.” Many psychologists recently noticed, however, that those who feel most comfortable in their familial culture are often the most comfortable in the dominant culture. Conversely, there are some individuals who do not feel comfortable in either culture! Researchers also noticed that while some children respond to the clash of cultures by becoming very traditional, others over-acculturate in favor of the dominant culture. The traditionalists have a hard time navigating the dominant

culture, and those who over-acculturate often get into more difficulties in their teenage years, lacking family and community support. Furthermore, different members of the same family can employ different strategies, creating culture clashes within the household! The conclusion of these observations? Those with a bicultural identity seem to have the best of both worlds.

How can South Asian parents respond?
As South Asian-American parents, are we better prepared to help our children be comfortable in both cultures or are we handicapped by our own personal conflicts? Our kids will have an easier time blending their identities if we are comfortable as bicultural individuals, ourselves. However, we may be bogged down by our own conflicts and unable to model the navigation between cultures for our children. For example, when my daughter was in kindergarten, she was enthusiastic about sharing her South Asian culture with her classmates. Her teacher encouraged this and asked me to help celebrate Diwali in the class. I initially was hesitant. After exploring my feelings, I realized that their enthusiasm was healthy, but I was again experiencing the shyness I felt as a child about my culture and feeling different! As a parent, I also had to adjust to my new role in explaining the South Asian culture, something I didn’t always feel so comfortable with. Later, I learned to use these types of opportunities for my daughter and me to explore the South Asian culture together. For example, we could improvise a rangoli activity or use henna tattoos instead of traditional mehndi. The important thing was not how accurately we adhered to tradition, but that we embraced the spirit of cultural celebration.

What is the best way to expose a child to South Asian culture?
Think carefully about your children’s interests and see if there are ways you can integrate South Asian culture. There really isn’t just one right way to help your children learn more about their culture of origin. Just as children are different from one another, so are their interests. Some may be interested in dance or music. Others may be more interested in language, fashion, food, art or stories. Other opportunities to immerse children in culture are through travel, movies or holiday celebrations. My daughter, for example, had no interest in traditional Indian dance classes but was very excited to have a “Bollywood Birthday Party”—complete with a fusion music CD as a party favor! It’s important that kids do not feel pressured to participate in cultural activities, but experience them as fun and positive experiences. Sharing these activities with non-South Asian friends also helps children blend the experiences and feel proud of their culture. It also helps if our kids have other South Asian-American buddies in their community to identify with. Even if they don’t attend school with them, having the opportunity to meet, identify and talk to each other helps our children to feel more comfortable with their own differences. Of course some kids will always be more reluctant about embracing cultural activities than others, and this might become more pronounced as they grow older. Positive exposure to culture helps, nonetheless. As with most aspects of parenting, you need to have faith that you will eventually get through to your child!

Do think about how you can blend your culture of origin with the culture of your current location. Consider your interests as a family so you can turn bicultural parenting into an enjoyable experience for all. Remember, there isn’t one right way to raise your children, and you might be more successful if you do not emphasize conformity with tradition. Your lives are sure to become enriched with both experience and culture throughout the learning process, and your children will be well on their way to feeling comfortable interacting with different cultures from around the world.

Ranu Boppana, MD is an Adult and Child Psychiatrist in private practice in New York, NY and a Clinical Instructor at the NYU School of Medicine.

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