Manage your
expectations. With all the cultural pressure to get
married, it’s easy to believe that your wedding day should be
absolutely perfect—the kind of wedding day never before experienced
by any other bride. As tempting as this fantasy may be, you will be
a much happier bride if you try to experience your wedding day as
it happens, rather than forcing it to mold to a particular outcome.
You cannot get each family, all the aunties and everyone else to act
“just perfect” for this one day. Save your energy and
just focus on your own feelings and your own experience.
When Meena got married, she had to contend with
her still unmarried older sister who was having a meltdown about her
single status—just ten minutes before the wedding was scheduled
to begin. Although initially furious, Meena decided that she’d
do damage control by having their mom soothe her sister. This worked,
and the wedding proceeded without further outburst.
Make enjoyment your main priority.
I was fortunate enough to have extended family travel from India to
attend my wedding. They came in about a week before, and it was a
lot of fun to spend time with them prior to getting married. Sure,
I had a lot to do, and I had to stay up late a few nights, but it
was totally worth it. I laughed and laughed, and that was worth the
few hours of lost sleep.
Take some time off. While
I did sacrifice a few hours of sleep to spend time with my relatives
from India, I also cut down, significantly, on all my other responsibilities
during this time. I took almost a week off from work prior to the
wedding, which gave me time to relax and enjoy all the events. Your
schedule may not permit taking off this amount of time, but do take
some time off when you can. You don’t want to be overly exhausted
or stressed going into your wedding day.
When Vimla, a family physician, got married, she
worked until 1 a.m. the night before. She still regrets this decision
as she was tired and exhausted on her wedding day. Vimla complains
that even the most skilled make-up wizardry couldn’t hide the
fact that she was sleep-deprived, and she avoids sharing pictures
from her wedding day and reception because of this fact.
Get your hair and makeup professionally
done. Many of you are probably already doing this, but
if not, strongly consider this option. A makeup and hair artist with
good references will do a phenomenal job, and it will be relaxing
to sit and let him or her work. In turn, you will feel really great
about how you look, which will make you feel confident and happy about
all the pictures and attention that you will be receiving.
Find the positive when anything goes
wrong. As I mentioned before, you can’t get your
whole family, his whole family, all the aunties and everyone else
in a room together and plan that nothing will go amiss. In my case,
the hotel messed up the seating arrangements, and forgot to put the
wedding favors on the tables. When I noticed this, I had a choice:
I could have gotten really, really upset, or just tried to find a
way to make it into a positive. How we feel is always our choice.
Get some help from your closest friends.
Two of my dearest friends flew to town for the wedding, and they were
really wonderful on my wedding day. They helped me get ready, hung
all my clothes, touched up my hair and makeup between the wedding
and reception, and ran interference when necessary. Be sure to have
at least a couple girlfriends nearby to do the same for you.
Smile! You’ve
probably paid good money to have your wedding day photographed and
videotaped. Why not get the most for your money by smiling for every
picture? No matter what’s happening in the background, or no
matter how many details didn’t turn out like you wanted, smile!
It will make you feel better and will give you great pictures, too.
Expect to feel mixed emotions.
I was surprised, a bit, at how “all over the place” I
felt in the days before, and the day of, my wedding. It didn’t
take much to have me shifting from feeling happy to a little bit sad
to a little bit melancholy and back to happy. This is a natural experience
when you’re making a big life transition. Expect it, and you
won’t be as surprised when it happens.
When Sweena got married, she shifted rapidly from tears to happiness
to more tears. Those of us who were sitting with her just tried to
be supportive and soothing. By letting her feel whatever she felt,
and making it “okay”, she was able to pull it together
just in time to be a radiant, beautiful, and glowing bride.
Remember, it’s about you!
This is probably one of the only times in your life that
you, truly, will be treated like a queen. Take advantage of it. Ask
for what you want; most everyone will try to make sure you get it.
Enjoy a piece of wedding cake with your
husband after the wedding is over. I asked the hotel
staff to save a couple slices of wedding cake and to send it to our
bridal suite that night, along with some cold milk. We changed out
of our wedding finery, snuggled into bed, drank milk and ate cake.
This private celebration was a sweet way to begin our married life,
and gave us a chance to unwind from all the hectic activity of the
days before.
At the basis of all your wedding planning is the
commitment you are making to share your life with another person.
Keep that commitment and closeness as your main focus, and you’ll
be assured of a wonderful wedding day and a solid start to happily
married bliss.
Dr. Rachna D. Jain is a licensed psychologist and professional coach
who is regularly quoted in the national media. Based in the Washington
DC metro area, Rachna can be reached online at http://www.rachnajain.com.
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