Parenting

By Ranu Boppana, MD

Childcare Options for South Asian Families

With an increasing number of families with two parents in the workforce, finding a good childcare option is on everyone’s mind. Even stay-at-home parents may need to find some part-time help. From finding the right type of care for your child to understanding your child’s developmental needs, choosing childcare isn’t an easy task!

What are the different types of care available?
There probably are as many options for childcare as there are types of families. Daycare, family daycare, au pairs, nannies, part-time babysitters, and extended family are some of the available childcare options. Which type of care you choose will probably be determined by your personal and community resources as well as your work schedule needs. Don’t be afraid to choose something different from your friends or family. My friend Kitty once commented to me that, of her six friends who had babies at the same time, each managed to find a different childcare solution that worked perfectly for each family!

Many South Asian parents have extended family members who can provide care for the children. If you are lucky enough to have a family member with the skills to be a good childcare provider, this can be a wonderful option. However, it’s not automatically the best possible care for your child. The environment may not be as stimulating or sociable as other options. Sometimes family members providing childcare may not speak English and your child might end up with inadequate language skills as a result. Additionally, your child may not have the opportunity to interact with peers and acquire social skills.

In-home care provided by nannies or au pairs gives parents the most flexibility if they need extended hours. These services can also provide help with chores on the home front. This kind of care isn’t always available in all areas, however, and can be expensive. Additionally you will need to properly screen an individual to make sure they will be a safe and competent provider for your child. You will also need to evaluate whether the potential caretaker has the right temperament and philosophy about caring for your child. This can get tricky as your child’s developmental needs change or if you’re balancing the needs of more than one child. For example, a nanny who is great with babies may not do so well with helping school age children with their homework. You’ll also need to make sure you don’t overload your childcare provider with too many work hours or tasks because the quality of care will diminish. Keep in mind the caretaker’s age and skill set as well. You may be able to hire a higher quality childcare provider part-time—perhaps a college student, teacher, or another parent. However, their schedules may change with time due to their other responsibilities, making it necessary for you to find a different person

Daycare, which ranges from small family daycare to large chain daycare centers, is another option. Quality can vary greatly so evaluate the daycares carefully. At its best, daycare can provide an opportunity to learn and socialize, much like preschool. For infants, you’ll need to look closely to see if your child is getting enough individual attention and stimulation. Daycare centers located at a parent’s place of employment can be a convenient option that allows some contact between parent and child during the day.

What developmental stages are important to consider when making childcare choices?
Infants develop stranger anxiety around the age of six months. By this time they have developed better eyesight and cognitive skills, and learn to distinguish caretakers from strangers. Babies that were once happy to interact with everyone suddenly become fearful of new people making this a difficult time to introduce a new childcare provider. I learned this the hard way when I hired my daughter’s first babysitter at the age of four months. She also developed stranger anxiety around the same time—two months early! Another developmental phase that can make it hard to introduce a new childcare situation is separation anxiety, which develops around 10 to 18 months of age. At this time, a child’s memory and cognitive skill develop further and they can become fearful when a parent is not around. Children at this age worry that once their parent is gone, they have left forever! Games such as peek-a-boo are very popular around this time because it helps these young children learn object permanence—the idea that something still exists even when the child can’t see it. Also helpful for separation anxiety are transitional objects that remind a child of their parent.

What should you do if your child has a hard time separating from you or doesn’t want to go to daycare?
If this is the first time your child is away from you, it may help to phase in to the change gradually, to give your child time to adjust. Check your feelings as well. If you are feeling nervous or guilty about leaving your child in care, your feelings may be unconsciously transmitted to your child making him or her anxious. Also consider your child’s temperament. Does he or she always have difficulty adjusting in the beginning but does just fine afterwards? Is he or she the kind of child who likes a more stimulating environment? Does he or she become cranky while traveling? If this behavior is unusual for your child, you will need to figure out what has changed. Is this a developmental phase? Has something about the childcare situation changed? Are you going through changes as a family? For example, divorce and the birth of a new sibling are common reasons that some children regress. Often, a little additional attention at this time helps.

Keep in mind that finding the right childcare option for your family takes some time and patience, like most aspects of parenting. Stay involved and know what your children are feeling and experiencing in childcare. Whatever option you choose, remember that you will be better able to function at work if you know your kids are happy too. Besides, in a good childcare situation, you’re also helping them learn to socialize and develop independence—important skills for their future!

Ranu Boppana, MD is an Adult and Child Psychiatrist in private practice in New York, NY and a Clinical Instructor at the NYU School of Medicine.

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