On the other hand, this method of dating does not lend itself to
developing a long term relationship. In your question, you point
out that you remain detached from your dates to avoid getting hurt.
This detachment is necessary to date many people at once, but it
is also what prevents multiple daters from turning a romance into
a real relationship.
It simply isn't possible to divide your focus
between two or more women, if your goal is to build something more
substantial. Many multiple daters end up taking on the mentality
that something better is around the corner, and they are less likely
to appreciate what each person has to offer. So if a long term relationship
is what you’re looking for, then try to focus on one person
and give yourself a real chance for a relationship!
QUESTION
I have a very serious relationship with my boyfriend. He and I come
from the same cultural and religious family background and converse
with each other in our mother tongue. I get along amazingly well
with his family, and I can see a long-term relationship coming out
of this, possibly concluding in a marriage. However, he is not someone
who is keen on being married, while I would like to so I can have
kids, etc. I know he loves me, but he likes the idea of having two
separate places and being independent, but doing things together
when we want to do so. Should I stay with him, even though the possibility
that he will not want to marry me is high?
ANSWER
It’s common for women to want to take their relationships
to the next level, while men are frequently happy to be in a relationship
without the commitment of marriage. Marriage is perceived differently
by men and women, and often when men have a problem committing to
marriage, it is because they fear that it will involve a significant
amount of change and compromise.
It sounds like your boyfriend fears compromising
his independence. If this is the case, the best thing to do is to
find some common ground. Is there a way that he could be married
but still maintain some sense of independence? Would waiting allow
him to feel better about the situation or is he completely disinterested
in marriage?
If he doesn't want to commit to marriage, you
will have to move forward on your own. If he needs some time to
think, then allow him a reasonable amount of time. However, you
don’t want to give him an ultimatum only to have him agree
out of fear of losing you. Remember, he should want to be with you
for the right reasons if you are going to have a successful relationship.
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