Health and Wellness

By Dr. Rachna Jain, Psy.D.

It's the Holiday Season... But Why Do I Feel Like Crying?

As we move into the final month of 2006, it may be that you’re preparing for the holidays, planning your New Year’s Resolutions for 2007 or merely lamenting all the things you meant to do this year but never actually got around to doing.

Although this is supposed to be the season of good cheer, that’s not always the case. For some people, the holidays actually lead to the onset of feelings of sadness. For South Asians who are not Christian, this can be particularly difficult, as we might not have the same positive associations to the holiday season as our Christian friends, so we may feel kind of left out and like we’re missing all the fun.

In addition, being as goal-oriented as we are, the passing of another year can bring into excruciating focus all the places where we had good intentions but just fell short. These feelings of frustration, irritation or annoyance can all lead to depression.

As a culture, we’re not too skilled at recognizing or accepting mental illnesses such as depression. For many South Asians, depression tends to manifest as irritation, crying spells and anger. It is often easier to be angry than it is to feel sad. And if we do share our sad feelings, well-meaning family members may encourage us to “just do something” or “to snap out of it,” neither of which are necessarily possible to do on command.

Depression can be a serious psychological condition and is much more than just a bad mood. Depression is pervasive irritable or low mood that lasts for at least two weeks and is accompanied by at least a few other symptoms, including a loss of pleasure or interest in most activities, significant weight loss or gain, decrease in appetite, difficulties with sleep regulation (either sleeping too much or sleeping too little) and changes in energy level and ability to think or concentrate. In addition, there may be feelings of worthlessness, guilt or thoughts of suicide. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, please seek medical attention immediately. You might begin by seeing your primary care physician and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist. Remember, depression is different than “feeling blue” or “feeling sad”, and if you are depressed, you should seek appropriate and qualified intervention. The first-line treatment for most people with depression consists of antidepressant medication, psychotherapy or a combination of both.

The fall and winter season can be difficult for some people, as shorter days and less sunlight can negatively impact mood. Combined with changes in routine (extra end-of-year stress like trying to finish up projects, holiday preparation and traveling to see your family) can also contribute to prolonged feelings of sadness.

While we all would like to welcome the holidays and hope they will be a time of joy and happiness, this may not always be the case. Holidays, like any other gathering, can bring out the best or the worst in your family members. If you’re single, the thought of spending New Year’s Eve without a special someone can feel almost unbearable. If many of your friends travel during the season, you might be spending more time by yourself, which can feel lonely and isolating. Sometimes these sad feelings come after the holidays are over, as we return to normal life and back to our daily routines and stresses.

The most important thing to remember is that everyone feels sad sometimes, and you only have to worry if your sadness is having a negative impact on your life or career. Examples of this would be that you start avoiding social events, take off weeks from work, find yourself crying a lot, or begin isolating yourself from loved ones. If you start to feel unworthy or hopeless, it’s vitally important that you seek help.

What if you don’t meet the clinical definition of depression, but are feeling sad around the holiday season? How can you best cope with that?

Here are a few tips to help:

Determine the cause of your blue mood. Are you tired or run down? Consider getting extra sleep. Are you stressed about seeing your family? Consider cutting short your visit.

Clear your schedule. When you’re already feeling bad, one of most stressful things things is having a ton of stuff you need to do. If you clear your schedule of “have tos” “shoulds” or “musts,” you’ll likely feel better.

Spend some time with loved ones. These can be best friends or family. The only requirement is that you feel good to be around them.

Spend time in nature or outside of your usual environment. Spending time in nature or in a new place can help you focus on a bigger perspective outside of your current chain of thoughts.

Focus on spending your time engaging in activities that make you happy. These could be as simple as taking a nap or exercising or as elaborate as a weekend getaway. Whatever makes you happy (and doesn’t break the bank) is fair game.

Although sadness can leave us feeling tired, worn out or like nothing matters, the truth is that small changes in your feelings, actions and beliefs can lead to big results. If you focus on activities that lift your spirits, improve your mood and help you enjoy the holidays, you’ll be in the best possible mindset to welcome in the exciting possibilities of 2007.

Dr. Rachna D. Jain is a consulting psychologist and the author of Overcome Rejection, The SMART Way. She is regularly quoted in the national media and can be reached online at http://www.rachnajain.com.

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