jewelry but a lifetime
accessory. Men, however, may not really grasp the gravity of this.
So if that long-awaited “bling” isn’t everything
you wanted, should you suck it up and squirm every time you look at
your left hand or should you say something?
This sort of delicate situation calls for careful
appraisal, but the results should not leave you feeling disappointed.
Your fiancé probably wanted to surprise you, or perhaps he
didn’t want you to be involved with pricing or payment issues.
Sure, he could have paid attention to your jewelry likes and dislikes,
but you cannot expect him to know exactly what you would have chosen
for yourself. The fact is that you are two individuals with your own
unique tastes.
If you are certain that you will not be able to look down at your
left hand without squirming, then you should gently let your fiancé
know that this is not the right rock for you. It is important to be
honest about your feelings in any relationship. This sort of open
communication will help you to learn more about each other and make
your relationship stronger. It will also prepare you for larger issues
that you will have to deal with in the future.
Of course, there is a lot to be said for how you communicate something.
Your fiancé probably put a lot of time and effort into picking
out the ring, so be sure to emphasize the characteristics that you
like. Another way to cushion the blow would be to let him know that
looking at the ring reminds you of how lucky you are to be able to
spend the rest of your life with him. Hopefully, when you do broach
the topic of changing the setting, he will understand where you are
coming from. Even if he is hurt at first, in the long run he will
probably respect the fact that you were honest with him.
QUESTION
A few years ago I had a brief encounter with a woman—I didn’t
wear a condom, but I didn’t go all the way either. The next
day I felt burning during urination. I was scared to go to the doctor.
A few months later I met a wonderful girl, and we started a relationship.
She called me one day and said she had trich. We both got treated
with Flagyl. My girlfriend is fine now, but I still have groin itch.
I saw a doctor recently, and he suspects Psoriasis. I don’t
know what to do and am stressed.
ANSWER by Dipika Dandade
Trichomoniasis is an infection caused by Trichomonas vaginalis, a
microscopic parasite spread through sexual activity. However, it’s
tough to decipher what you mean when you say that you “did not
go all the way.” Based on the close proximity of the onset of
your symptoms and this brief encounter, it seems to me that there
was some sort of penile to vaginal contact. It is quite common for
men with trich to not have any symptoms or have symptoms such as burning
with urination or urethral discharge that eventually resolve on their
own. Even if a man doesn’t have symptoms, he is still infected
and can transmit the infection to his partner. Common symptoms for
women include vaginal discharge, vaginal itching and painful intercourse.
A doctor would likely collect specimens from a woman’s
vagina or a man’s urethra to diagnose Trichomoniasis. As you
know, infection is easily treated with antibiotics, usually a drug
called Flagyl. Keep in mind that a prior infection does not make you
immune so you can be infected again if your partner is untreated.
Since trich is a sexually transmitted infection (STI), it is important
to be screened for other STIs and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
as well. Also, be aware that people with Trichomoniasis are at higher
risk for contracting HIV. Further, trich in pregnant women can lead
to preterm delivery and low birth weight infants.
As long as you have tested negative for trich and other STIs or STDs,
it is unlikely that your itching is related to your prior infection.
Psoriasis is not sexually transmitted. It can occur solely in the
genital region or in other places as well, such as the elbows, knees
and scalp. There is usually redness and irritation in the affected
area. Your doctor will likely perform a full exam to look for more
evidence of psoriasis and take your history to see if other family
members are affected. If your doctor is not sure about the diagnosis,
he may want to do cultures and a skin biopsy. Other look-alike conditions
include fungal infections or contact dermatitis. Your itching may,
for example, simply be an allergy to a new soap or laundry detergent
that you have been using. There are treatment options for psoriasis
in the genital area, and these include topical immunosuppressant drugs
such as Elidel, topical steroids or moisturizers.
To avoid contracting trich or any other STIs or STDs in the future,
remember that consistent and correct condom use is very important.
Keep in mind that even contact with genital regions that are not covered
by condoms can spread some STIs and STDs. It is important
to seek testing and treatment if you suspect an infection or if you
have symptoms. Because it is very possible to have an infection without
having any symptoms, I encourage you to be checked for STIs and STDs
regularly, especially if you have a new partner or multiple partners.
You owe it to yourself and your partners to keep your health in check.
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