- Healthy savings and
high income to support the brood. Check.
- The offspring. ________.
That’s the last thing left on the list. Why
have I waited so long to become a mother? This isn’t just
a question I ask myself. Oh no, this is a question that my mother,
my in-laws, the aunties, friends and co-workers feel free to ask
me too. At 35, I’m at that age where my too-polite in-laws
and aunties really want to blurt out, “What’s wrong
with you? Are you infertile or just so career-driven that you’re
never going to have kids?” Either option, I’m sure,
would be equally terrifying to them.
Even my own mother is nagging me lately, especially since my husband
Arun and I just passed the magical three years of marriage mark
and haven’t produced any children yet. I remind her that she
already has three grandkids so what’s the big deal, to which
she quickly retorts, “But Arun’s parents don’t
have any grandchildren, what about them?” It’s hard
to argue with that logic.
Once jokingly, my mother-in-law complained, “When
am I going to have grandkids? All my friends have grandkids. I want
a baby to play with!” Luckily, she can’t nag me too
much since she has a 30-something daughter of her own who hasn’t
even gotten married yet. She doesn’t know what to pray for
first—a grandson to carry on the family name or a son-in-law
so she can free herself of the “responsibility” of an
unwed daughter.
But still, I feel the pressure. Every ovulation cycle that I don’t
bother to focus on getting pregnant is another lost opportunity.
My period isn’t as heavy as it used to be and doesn’t
last for as many days. Maybe my eggs are getting old and are tired
of waiting to get fertilized too. What’s stopping me from
taking the plunge, I wonder? I’ve always wanted to have kids.
What makes me put it off to the ever elusive “next year”
is that I never feel mature or responsible enough. I never feel
ready to be a parent. There’s always one more project to finish
at work or one last great trip to take before I “settle down”
and devote my time and energy to a needy little baby. Perhaps that
sense of selfishness is common in our generation and that’s
why so many of us put off getting married, having kids and settling
down. With our own self-fulfillment to worry about, there isn’t
much of ourselves leftover to give to spouses and children. But
maybe the most fulfilling thing you can do is create life and raise
a strong, good person who will go out into the world with his or
her own hopes and dreams and make it a better place. Now that’s
a great reason if I ever heard one! That’s it, I’m going
to put it on the top of my list…next year.
Simran Oberoi is an investment banker in New York. She is undertaking
her latest joint venture, baby production, with her husband.
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