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Different people have
different attitudes towards handling money. For some, frugality is
a sport. They are driven to cut spending—and no cost is too
small to cut. It is entirely possible that your boyfriend is one of
these people, so the question is whether he is generous enough to
you in other ways to make up for this?
Is your boyfriend generous with his time, conversation
and how he shows his appreciation for you? Does he ever do nice things
for you that don't involve much money? Other forms of generosity can
be more important than a generous wallet.
If you answered yes to these questions, then there is some hope.
If he has qualities that you value, you will have to weigh how important
it is for him to be generous with money. It could be that despite
his attitude towards money, your boyfriend may have overall lifestyle
expectations that are similar to yours.
If this is the case, then it is important for both of you to have
realistic expectations of one another. Spend some time figuring out
and communicating about the things in your life that are most important
to you, and save your money for these things. For instance, your boyfriend
may go out of his way to use a coupon, but maybe he will agree to
go out for dinner once a week if this is important to you.
On the other hand, if your answer to most of these questions is no,
then you should step back and take a look at why you are with this
person. Are you benefiting from being in this relationship? If he
is cheap about all areas of life, perhaps you would not want to remain
in this situation.
QUESTION
I am 18 years old, and I haven't had sex yet. Do I still need to see
a gynecologist, even if I don't plan on having sex until I'm married?
ANSWER by Prathima Setty Virmani,
M.D.
The short answer: I would recommend a visit with
a gynecologist even if you have not been sexually active. It is important
for you to stay on top of your health. Preventative care visits are
an important part of health care and are strongly recommended.
Many people think that a first gynecological visit
always means that you will have to endure a pelvic exam with a pap
smear, but this is not the case. The confusion may lie in the fact
that previous cervical cancer screening guidelines stated that an
initial pap smear needed to be done at age 18 or when first sexually
active. However, new guidelines now advise that the first pap smear
should occur three years after first intercourse or at age 21. Regardless,
this does not mean that a first gynecological visit should be delayed
until then.
A visit to the gynecologist can also be used to screen you for important
health issues that are pertinent to your age group. Some young women
have irregular periods, which can be controlled with oral contraceptive
pills. Another issue I often see is painful or heavy periods. This
condition should be monitored because it could be a sign of endometriosis
or of a blood disorder that prevents your blood from clotting.
Adolescence is a time when your body is going through
many changes and a visit to the gynecologist will help confirm that
you are developing normally. Your doctor can evaluate whether you
have symptoms that may indicate thyroid problems or Polycystic Ovarian
Syndrome (PCOS). A low functioning thyroid can cause fatigue, constipation,
irregular periods and dry skin. PCOS should be monitored and treated
because it bears a high risk of diabetes, heart disease, high blood
pressure or even uterine cancer if left unchecked.
A first gynecology visit is also a time for education.
It is an opportunity for you to ask a knowledgeable professional anything
you might want to know about your body—and everything you discuss
is confidential. Your doctor will also be able to advise you on healthy
lifestyle choices, clarify myths about sex and sexually transmitted
diseases, and make sure you are up to date on your immunizations.
Ideally, you should visit a gynecologist prior to intercourse and
before you are exposed to sexually transmitted diseases from other
forms of sexual activity (oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation).
A new vaccine called Gardasil provides protection against four strains
of the HPV virus that can cause genital warts and cervical cancer.
Your doctor can talk to you about the new vaccine at the time of your
office visit.
It is always good to establish a relationship with your doctor, because
it can be difficult to find a medical professional quickly when you
have a problem that needs immediate attention. If you have a doctor
who knows you and is familiar with your medical history, he or she
will have ample information to help find a solution to any problems
you might be having.
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