Parenting

By Anandhi Narasimhan, M.D.

Recognizing and Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

In our culture, sexual abuse traditionally has been a difficult topic to address publicly. For safety and precautionary reasons, however, it is something that parents should discuss with their children. While you may wonder if sexual abuse is too heavy a topic for your children to comprehend, or you may be concerned that talking about it might traumatize your child in some way, this is not the case. We teach children not to run out into the street or put their hands into a fire. In the same way, we should help children be aware of sexual abuse in an age-appropriate way.

You should have conversations with your children to help them learn how to identify “good” and “bad” touches from others. One way to communicate with children is to first educate them about the parts of their bodies and explain which kinds of physical touches are inappropriate. For example, young children often are taught that no one should touch them in “the bathing suit area” or anywhere on their bodies that is covered by a swimsuit. You may want to explain that if anyone ever touches them in that way or makes them uncomfortable in any way, it is imperative that they tell a trustworthy adult immediately. Tell your child that they should do so without being afraid of getting anyone into trouble.

You should provide your children with some examples of adults whom they can turn to in addition to yourself, such as a teacher, a school counselor or a family member. You might want to remind your children that you are there to protect them and keep them safe. You should also check in periodically to remind them of this and inquire if anything uncomfortable has happened. How often is periodically? This doesn't mean you have to talk to your child several times a day about this. There is no specific best answer, but if you think about it like a lesson on fire safety (i.e. family discussing a fire exit plan), bring this up as often as you feel it is important to remind him or her and make sure your child understands the points you bring up. A guideline may be checking in once every few months for younger children. Often, young children can be manipulated into thinking that something is right even if it isn’t. Sometimes, children don’t want to talk about feeling uncomfortable because they are scared of putting themselves, the perpetrator or other family members at risk for maltreatment. This is why you sometimes have to ask specific rather than general questions.

Another important point that cannot be stressed enough is supervision. The lack of proper supervision can leave children vulnerable to being victimized. Now, when many parents work, we often rely on nannies or daycares to watch our children. You should always perform background checks on people and agencies to make sure they don’t have prior criminal histories. Also, be sure to do extensive interviews with caretakers and watch them interact with their children. Although choosing people to watch over your children can be a difficult task, you can choose carefully to minimize the risk that these people might take advantage of your child in any way. Be as careful with South Asian caretakers as well. Never assume that someone would never hurt your child just because you share a culture. You also might consider making unannounced visits at different times to make sure your children are being taken care of appropriately. Children should never be left without adult supervision, even in the company of other children because abuse can happen among same-age peers.

Also consider that many perpetrators are known to the families of victims, and many times, parents are in complete shock after a child is abused by someone whom they thought they could trust. This stresses the importance of an open communication policy and knowing where and who your children are with at all times.

Many abused children can display symptoms including withdrawing from activities or acting out, sleep and appetite disturbances, unexplained aches or refusing to go to school. Be alert to changes in your child’s behavior or personality, as these may be indicators that something is amiss. Finally, if your child comes to you and brings up something that doesn’t sound appropriate, do not minimize it. Get the help of a professional by going to a doctor or to the emergency room if it seems as if your child has been abused. You should also call a hotline to find out what steps should be taken.

As an adult, you should also take action if you are concerned about another person’s child. You could speak with the child’s parents or if you suspect that the parents might be abusing their own children, you might want to consider discussing this with a doctor. In the United States, physicians, mental healthcare providers, teachers, schools and all childcare workers are mandated reporters of sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect. If you are not sure what to do, consult the many resources available. As members of our society, we have the responsibility to do our part in keeping all children safe.

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