But that was then and
this is now, right? Maybe so, but you might be surprised to learn
that matrimonial websites are very popular today for parents. Mom
and Dad might not be consulting with Veena Auntie about marital
prospects—though, let’s face it, would you put it past
them—but they might be writing up an advertisement for the
News-India Times or creating a profile for you on matrimonial
websites, such as Shaadi.com and BharatMatrimony.com. According
to Surendra Raj at BharatMatrimony.com, “Ten million people
have registered [with BharatMatrimony.com] to get the right partners.”
Raj emphasizes that most of the people who join the site are looking
for partners for themselves; however, he notes, “Parents have
used the site to find matches for their children.”
What do the children have to say about this? Samir,
a 26-year-old medical student, asked his parents to help him search
for a girl to marry, using matrimonial websites. “My parents
are pretty modern,” Samir says, “They know that we live
in America and that arranged marriages aren’t common here.”
So why did he ask his parents to help him find a wife? “I’m
concentrating on my future. I want to be financially well-off so
that I can support my family. Right now, that’s my priority.”
Although Samir would love to settle down and have a family, he wants
to build a secure future first. Samir notes, “My older sister
did not go with an arranged marriage. She married her longtime boyfriend
and everyone respected it. I want to find my dream girl this way.”
Vinita, 27, tried matrimonial websites herself, but found them
far from helpful. “I was looking through the list of matches
when I found one that struck me,” Vinita says, “He claimed
to be 29-years-old [and] a U.S. citizen. He also said that he worked
with doctors.” Vinita and Akshay got in touch with each other,
and they formed a great bond. However, when they met, Vinita was
in for a shock. “He was nothing like he described himself
to be! Let’s just say he had totally different definitions
for the descriptions he used.” Akshay was neither a U.S. citizen
nor a physician’s assistant; he was living in America with
an H-1 visa and was a receptionist at a doctor’s office. Consequently,
Vinita has lost interest in matrimonial websites. “You can’t
just do that. People trust what you put on those profiles. It’s
not a joke.” Vinita has since decided to ask her parents for
assistance. She has not found her partner yet, but she is convinced
that the right one will come her way.
Mona, a 24-year-old freelance writer, learned that
her father had signed her up on a matrimonial website without telling
her. When she found the profile he had made for her, she was surprised
to see that her father had intentionally lied about her interests
and about their family. According to Mona, “[My father] really
believes that I should be married soon, either to the man I’m
dating now or to someone he finds for me. He thinks he’s being
modern because I have the option to marry my boyfriend.” But
Mona does not even want to get married yet. “I’m still
young and there’s plenty of time. There are other things I’d
like to do first.” However, Mona’s unwillingness to
go along with her father’s plans has created many problems.
“He disowned me,” she says, “And, at this point,
I don’t want him in my life.”
Recently, Shikha, a 23-year-old college student, had an arranged
marriage of her own. Shikha had dreams of becoming an air hostess,
but she willingly put those plans on hold so that she could fulfill
her parents’ wish that she marry. Shikha met her husband through
a family friend and they were deemed a perfect match—their
horoscopes even matched. In December 2006, Shikha and Aditya were
engaged and in May of the following year, they tied the knot. Although
they only knew each other for a little while before they were married,
they hit it off really well and Shikha says that she’s never
been happier.
We have come a long way from the days where arranged
marriages were status quo. From love marriages to arranged marriages
to matrimonial websites, South Asians looking for partners have
a number of different options for meeting a sapno ki rani
or raja (dream girl or boy). It is no surprise that these
shifts seem to correlate to increased immigration to the United
States and Europe, as well as globalization and the increased influence
of European and American cultures on India. What’s next on
the horizon for South Asians seeking spouses? We can only guess! |
