Parenting

By Meena Vathyam

Coping With Picky Eaters

After a long, arduous day, my family was settling down for dinner when my five-year-old asked me, "What's for dinner, Mommy?" I had spent a good amount of time in the kitchen preparing South Indian mango daal (lentils) and mixed vegetable curry, but my son looked at the menu, grimaced and whined, "Why can't we eat American today?" Sure, I cook American food like spaghetti with marinara sauce, baked potatoes and macaroni and cheese. But I am constantly stumped for ideas that please my kids' delicate palates. I cannot ignore the fact that kids have taste buds too! At the same time, some South Asian children become picky eaters primarily because their moms cook American dishes for them while cooking Indian dishes for the adults. But is that a wise choice?

One solution could be fusing the flavors of both Indian and American cuisines to win the dinner battle with picky eaters. Balancing Indian and American flavors, however, is a culinary art, and it takes creative chefs to come up with appetizing ideas. Anuja and Hetal, two Dallas moms and creators of www.showmethecurry.com have definite opinions on the subject.

Anuja says, "With my children—when they were younger—I would have fancy or funny names for the dishes, and it just made the dishes more appealing and fun to eat. Some we use to date, much to my amusement and astonishment!"

Hetal's experience has been different. Her daughter was a picky eater as a toddler. So what did Hetal do? "I would mix everything—daal (lentils), rice, subzi (vegetables)—together in a bowl and melt a small piece of Velveeta cheese into the mixture,” she says. “Somehow, the creaminess of the cheese helped to mild down many of the spices and allowed her to get accustomed to our tastes. When she turned three years old, I weaned her off of the cheese and now she is able to enjoy all sorts of Indian flavors, spicy pani puri (unleavened fried bread with water) being her favorite."

Anuja 's husband will not touch eggplant in any form and neither will his siblings or his father! Anuja has learnt a lot from that and has made sure it does not happen in her home. Her children eat what the adults eat and are expected to try a little of everything. "’You’ve got to try everything at least once!’ and that’s the motto in our house … for the kids," says Anuja.

Hetal adds, "If you expose your children to a certain food and they don’t like it, they may never acquire a taste for it if you don’t repeatedly expose them to it. We can do our part as parents and help our children cultivate a liking for our food. Beyond that, we cannot change personalities or tastes."

There is a school of thought, however, that subscribes to the theory that if children are picky eaters, the parents are to blame. Many of these parents believe that kids should eat whatever is served on their plates and not fuss about it. This, in their opinion, helps kids learn to enjoy different textures and tastes. But what if a child prefers a vegetarian meal over meat? Then should a parent criticize a child for expressing his or her opinion? After all, children react to colors, tastes and smells very much the same way adults do. Jaya Assumal of Philadelphia, a part-time physician's assistant and mom, disagrees with this kind of approach because, she says, some children become much more stubborn if force-fed.

The other extreme—parents indulging their children’s picky habits—can be detrimental as well. According to Ujwala Dixit, MD, a psychiatrist and president of Service and Education of Women Against Abuse, “Excessive parental control over feeding has substantial effects on children's health. High parental concern about eating is not desirable and is a health risk, both in physical and mental health domains. It may lead to obesity, increased cholesterol or even undernutrition…. Psychologically, parents may send an unintentional message about their poor abilities [to make their own decisions about food]. Yes, they [children] may become picky eaters later, but more important are the long-term effects on their psyche and body image. Self-esteem and an underlying unspoken message of lack of competency are major concerns. Using food as rewards is detrimental as well. ‘Eat your veggies and then you can watch TV’ is counterproductive. A mother may gain in the immediate, but in the long run, children may refuse to eat that food.”

What should parents do? Dixit suggests, “A best practice for parents is to create environments for children that may foster the development of healthy eating behaviors, weight and happiness. A positive parental role model with gentle encouragement of the child is a better method for improving a child's diet than attempts at dietary control."

Would involving the kids in helping during the meal-making process be a positive influence? Anuja says, "I think so. Involvement is really good, and the kids feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. Even if it does not taste great, they’ll eat it or will have a higher level of appreciation for Mom’s cooking! Either way it works! My kids help me in the kitchen with making boondi raita [yogurt with gram flour batter] or cutting the salad, and those are very popular items on the table."

The multicultural environment has a significant impact on South Asian kids growing up in the United States. It's natural for moms to cook Italian, Chinese or Mexican food. But kids need to develop an appreciation for Indian food as well. Anuja is a firm believer that tastes are cultivated and we have to start when they are young. Insisting and forcing does not work, but we definitely have to work harder because of equally enticing cuisines.

In Anuja's home, once a week, each of the boys pick a menu (Indian or not) of their choice and that’s what everyone eats for dinner. The clever strategy has worked for Anuja.

For Hetal, there is no need to insist on Indian food all the time. She says, "Even as adults, we prefer a change from time to time and enjoy eating other types of cuisines. In our household, I cook Indian food most days and my kids are expected to eat what I prepare. However, there are days when I cook Mexican or Italian food or we go out to eat at a restaurant. On a daily basis, I never make a separate menu for the kids."

Moms do know best! Did I cave in to my son’s demand that I make American food? No! I explained gently that we could make "American" another day and could have a contest in which the boys (my son and my husband) would make pasta while we girls (my daughter and I) would prepare salad. That seemed to please him, and I had a chance to involve my husband in the family's dinner preparations. Try it out in your kitchen!

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