It is important to remember
that in any relationship, those feelings of intensity develop into
something more over time—they transform into something you can
handle for the long term. That said, it is possible to bring back
the romance by working on the underlying emotional intimacy.
People usually start out building emotional intimacy
in a relationship by revealing personal information, sharing ideas
and thoughts and confiding in each other. Over time, they build a
level of mutual trust and emotional support, and their affection for
each other grows as well. If you take this advice, you should see
the romance between you and your husband gradually intensify.
Below are a few tips on how to become more intimate
with each other:
- Spend more time together. Go on a "date"
with each other once every week or two. Find a few hours that you
can spend alone to enjoy each other's company. Stay away from subjects
like household business, money problems or other points that may
distract you from focusing on each other. Non-stressful communication,
such as keeping up with each other's lives, is important to bonding.
Remember how curious you were to learn the details of each other's
lives when you were getting to know one another?
- Work together on finding a suitable solution.
If you and your spouse need to resolve an issue, find an appropriate
time to talk about it and work towards a solution. This can help
small problems from becoming larger ones. Be a courteous listener
and take pains to be sure you understand your partner’s position
before trying to express your own.
- Be mutually supportive. There will be times
when your partner’s needs may interfere with your own desires
or goals, but be patient with him and show your support to the extent
that is reasonable.
- Acknowledge the good. Everyone likes to feel
appreciated, and when we know that the most important person in
our life appreciates us, we feel a stronger connection to him or
her.
Hopefully these suggestions will bring back the romance and allow
you to feel more connected to your husband!
QUESTION
I found out my friend's husband is cheating on her. I caught her husband
with another woman by a random chance encounter, and now I feel bad
that she doesn't know he's cheating on her. Do I tell her? I don't
want to confront the husband. What do I do?
ANSWER
Wow—talk about a dilemma! Before you decide whether you want
to be the bearer of bad news, there are a few things you should think
about. How would you feel if your girlfriend knew that your significant
other was cheating on you? Would you want her to tell you?
Let’s say you do tell her. Hopefully, she’ll thank you
for being a good friend. But you should also realize that there is
a chance she’ll think you’re meddling. If your friend
is completely in the dark, she may not want to accept what you have
to say.
I know you don’t want to confront her husband, but I strongly
believe you should consider it. It’s never enjoyable to learn
that your spouse is cheating. But if your friend hears it directly
from him, it will be a little easier to swallow than if she hears
it from someone else. And this way, if he really loves her, he can
stress the lessons he has learned and the steps he has taken to ensure
it never happens again.
So the next time you get together, pull him aside and let him know
that he was seen and that you are considering telling his wife, but
you think it should come from him. That way, he will know he has been
caught and you do not have to say anything to your friend. Instead,
you can just be there for her.
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