Maintaining Family Bonds

Do you find you have less and less time to spend with your parents and siblings? Are you working crazy hours? Spending a lot of time with your spouse and children? Do you feel like you are losing some connection with your family?

As you get older, the amount of time you spend with your family of origin may decrease, or you may grow distant as a result of living apart. Perhaps you have been butting heads with family members over how you should be living your life. So how can you maintain and build close family relationships, in spite of these varying stumbling blocks?

Use technology to stay in touch. If you don’t get to see your family as often as you would like, there are many ways to stay in touch using technology. I recently set my parents up on Skype with a webcam so that they could chat with my brother’s kids over the computer while getting to see their faces! I use instant messaging software to chat with my cousins in India and now, with the advent of Facebook, I can see quick updates about my cousins and provide them with updates on my life as well. Although technology can seem impersonal, it can be a great tool for quick interactions or for catching up with family members when you cannot see them in person.

Reminisce together. The more you remember the good times and grieve the hard times together, the closer you and your family members can become. By bringing up old stories, you can laugh together over the times you shared with your immediate and extended family and friends. Reminiscing is also an excellent reminder that the fondness, understanding and fun can be experienced again.

Express yourself. Sometimes family bonds can be strained when one person’s feelings are hurt by something done or said by another family member. To maintain close bonds, express your concerns or your hurt feelings. Family members often don’t know that what they said or did was hurtful. If it is a recurring problem, learn to set boundaries. For example, if a family member continues to berate your lifestyle choices, let them know that this is upsetting to you and that you would like to avoid that topic in the future. Expressing your feelings, hurts, anger and happiness with family is a way to be authentic with them and share who you really are so that you can be close and enjoy the time you spend together.

Spend quality time together. Spending time together is one of the easiest ways to maintain close ties with your family. Although time with family can sometimes be stressful, it can also be fun and full of laughter. If you live close to your family, dedicate one night a week to a family dinner. If you don’t live close enough for weekly visits, figure out a way to visit each other once a month or once every couple of months. If you live even farther apart, try to arrange an annual reunion. No matter the avenue you decide to take, spending quality time with your family will allow you to build or maintain the close relationships you are looking for.

Create family traditions. Create some memorable family traditions that can be passed down to future generations. Whether they be family vacations to the beach each year, baking Christmas cookies together each holiday season, fun summer picnics, Sunday dinners or annual family reunions including extended family, find traditions that will be memorable and fun, and be sure to follow through on them. The more effort you put into these traditions, the more you will want to honor them, because they will become something to look forward to.

Family relationships and bonds can be hard to maintain as we get older, go our own ways and as our lives gets busy. Every family has their share of stress and conflict, but if you remember the importance of the great things family can bring to your life – connection, love, stability, laughter and joy – you will see that the good things far outweigh the bad. Spending some time either visiting, calling or sharing will help keep the bonds strong and allow you to have healthy, positive relationships with family members for years to come.

Monica Thakrar is a health and wellness coach focused on helping clients live a more balanced, joyful life. If you are feeling stressed out and out of balance, sign up for a FREE "How Stressed Are You" quiz and 9 Stress Relief Tips at www.joyfulsoulcoaching.com today!