Having a Frightfully Safe Halloween

Fall is hands down my favorite season. I love everything from the changing colors of the leaves to the sunny, crisp cold days when being outside is exhilarating, not exhausting and sweaty like in the heat of summer. And of course, I love the Hallmark holiday of fall: Halloween. With kids dressing up for trick or treating, jack-o-lanterns and witches, what’s not to love?

When I became a mother, I tried to bring the spirit of Halloween into my home, thinking my daughter Yasmina would love it as much as I did. To put it mildly, things did not turn out the way I intended. In retrospect, a big hairy monster knocking on our front door wasn’t likely going to make my 18-month old daughter laugh. I soon learned that for children under the age of five, the spectacle of Halloween can be overwhelming at best – and terrifying at worst.

One of the reasons kids this age have trouble with Halloween is that the line between the real world and make-believe is still fuzzy for them. Although they can usually tell when something is pretend, they are still affected by it in a very real way. Just as television characters who talk like humans but look like big purple dinosaurs or yellow birds are a mixture of fantasy and reality for a young child, so too are the costumed characters stalking the streets on Halloween. Add in the fact that many Halloween images are intended to be frightening, and you get a sense of how it could affect a little one.

But Halloween doesn’t have to be off-limits for little kids. By taking a few precautions, you can ensure that even the littlest and most timid of tots can have a boo-tiful time!

Don’t force your child to look at something scary. If he or she turns away from ghoulish masks in store windows, don’t chide him or her for being afraid. Instead, say something like, “Don’t worry, those are just Halloween masks that some kids like but other kids don’t like. You don’t have to look at them if you don’t want to, but they can’t hurt you. They’re just pretend.” That way, you validate your child’s feelings but at the same time reassure him that he or she is safe, too.

Lower your costume expectations. For many kids this age, costumes can be distressing, especially costumes with masks. Some kids tolerate being dressed up as long as the costume is comfortable, while others won’t even go near them. Masks are uncomfortable and upsetting to many young children. Face paint or a decorated hood may work much better at this age. I remember discussing several costume possibilities with Yasmina last year, and after many trials and errors, she ended up wearing butterfly wings over her regular clothes. Even the headband antennae were tossed aside a few minutes later. After going over some ideas with her this week, I have a strong suspicion those wings will be dusted off for a repeat performance this year.

However, if your child is excited about getting dressed up for Halloween, keep the following pointers in mind:

- Pick out or create a light-colored or bright costume that will be visible to drivers. If the costume is dark and spooky, consider decorating the outside of it with strips of reflective tape. And make sure the candy bag your child carries is also brightly colored or trimmed in reflective tape.

- To prevent your child from tripping on curbs, steps or the hem itself, keep pants, gowns, dresses and capes above his or her ankles. The outfit should not be so loose that it catches on doorknobs. Also, make sure your child’s shoes and hat fit properly.

- If you’re buying a costume, make sure it’s labeled “flame resistant.” This doesn’t mean that it is burn-proof but that the material won’t catch on fire as easily or burn as quickly. Keep your child away from candles and jack-o-lanterns.

- Choose the props that go with the outfit carefully and remove choking hazards, such as buttons and beads, from younger children’s costumes. Swords, wands and broomsticks can cause eye, face and head injuries, so use a flexible material, such as cardboard. And avoid hats with cords, which could get caught on objects and strangle your child.

Tread carefully when trick-or-treating. Avoid houses that are done up with scary decorations and spooky music and keep your Halloween route short. Most young kids are happy with a half-hour of trick-or-treating on their block or at a few nearby friends’ houses. If you have older children who want to hit the entire neighborhood with their buddies, be prepared to wait at the curb with your little one while the big kids go door to door or take your young child home to hand out candy while another adult sticks with the older kids. If your child decides to brave the joys of trick-or-treating, then keep the following concerns in mind when it comes time for him or her to devour Halloween treats:

-Make sure your child understands that he or she isn’t allowed to sample any treats until you inspect them at home.

- Eat dinner or a healthy snack with your child before heading out so he or she is less likely to get hungry and sneak treats from the candy bag.

- Closely examine each piece of candy and throw away ones that are unwrapped, have tears or pinholes in the wrapper or look suspicious in any way.

- Throw away treats that aren’t commercially wrapped, like homemade cookies and fruit, unless you trust the giver.

- If your child is younger than four, remove any choking hazards from his bag, such as hard candies, gum, small toys and nuts.

Look before opening the door. If you’re handing out treats at home, think twice about letting your child answer the door. Once a preschooler has been greeted by a ghoulish ghost or a werewolf with fangs on the front porch, he or she may not feel safe at home for a long time. Look out the window to see who’s there and ask your child if he or she wants to see the big cat, clown, etc. If your child is interested, offer to hold his or her hand while you open the door and hand out candy. You can also ask the masked trick-or-treaters to show their faces so your child will understand they are in costume. If your child still seems frightened, do not force him to join you at the front door to pass out candy.

Skip the spooky stuff and throw a party. If all else fails, consider avoiding the hassle and inviting a few playmates and their parents over for a Halloween party instead. Stage an in-house costume parade, play a few games and eat some treats in the comfort of your home. Don’t worry that you are depriving your child of the fun of trick-or-treating; there will be plenty of time for those things in the years ahead, and taking it slow now will give you both something to which you can look forward.

Brinda Abu-Obaid is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Clifton, VA with her husband, Aladin, and her two daughters, Yasmina and Noora.