QUESTION
I’m in a serious relationship with a guy I really love. I’m wondering what to do since he does not want to have kids and I do.

ANSWER
The willingness and ability to compromise is an invaluable skill to have for maintaining a healthy relationship where both partners’ needs are met. That said, I also believe that there are areas where compromise might not be viable. I consider these to be areas of fundamental incompatibility, and I believe that a strong desire to have or not have kids tends to fall into this category.

I strongly encourage you to discuss this issue with him directly. Each of you should candidly share your respective viewpoints and the underpinnings of your viewpoints. It is possible, for example, that you could discover that the timing of having kids rather than the decision to have them is the issue.

If, after discussing the issue openly, there continues to be no consensus on whether having kids is a mutual life goal, you may wish to consider counseling to continue working through the issue.

QUESTION
I’ve been dating a guy for over a year now, and we’re thinking about taking it to the next level: marriage. How do you know when you’ve met the right one?

ANSWER
Your question suggests to me that you might have some uncertainty about taking your relationship to the next level. Many people willingly spend a significant amount of time, energy and money on the wedding event (or events) instead of expending those resources on finding the right person to be their partner.

Perhaps the following questions will help you navigate your way to knowing if you’re with the right one:

1) How do you feel when you are with him?
2) Do the two of you want the same things out of life?
3) Is your timeline for wanting those things similar to his?
4) Are your priorities and values compatible?
5) Can you be yourself around him?

These questions ask you to really consider your and your partner’s values, priorities and goals. Having compatibility with your partner with respect to these three intangibles establishes a strong foundation upon which to build a beautiful life together without losing a sense of self.

Advertisement Jasbina Ahluwalia is the founder of Intersections Matchmaking, the first elite, personalized Matchmaking firm for South Asian singles nationwide. As a former practicing lawyer with a graduate degree in philosophy, Jasbina can relate first-hand to the demands and challenges facing her accomplished clients. As a second-generation Indian-American, Jasbina has a unique understanding of the successful blending of South Asian and American cultures. For more information, please visit www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina may be contacted directly at Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

Jasbina Ahluwalia runs Intersections Matchmaking, a personalized Matchmaking firm for South Asian singles nationwide.